Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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