Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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