I hope mine doesn't look like that
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize
