i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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