I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
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