My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
