Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
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