Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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