My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
