Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
