I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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