Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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