Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Randomize
