I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
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