but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
