A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize
