Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
