She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
