i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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