Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
