I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
