At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
