2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
