If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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