Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
