I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
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