I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I'm too high and old for this...
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
dude. I can hear the air.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
