My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
