I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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