you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I want a musical about memes.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
