Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
