I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
