we have officially lost it.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
