I don't usually arrange sex via text message
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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