i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
