one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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