Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
You were trust falling into bushes
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Randomize
