Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
