I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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