I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
