Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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