I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Randomize
