she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
