I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
