we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Randomize
