If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
