Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
