used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
