the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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