Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Randomize
