i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
