Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I think your dad took our porno
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
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